By Kim DeRaedt
Say “soccer” seven times fast
Three wise men
“We lost because we didn’t win.”- Ronaldo
“We didn’t underestimate them. They were a lot better than we thought.” – Sir Bobby Robson
“My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about seven.” – David Beckham
The Devil was constantly challenging St Peter to a game of soccer, but St Peter refused, until one day while walking around heaven he discovered that quite a number of international soccer players had entered the ‘pearly gates’.
“I think I’ll arrange to play that soccer game,” said St Peter to the Devil. “We have a great number of international soccer stars in heaven at the moment from which to select a winning team.”
“You’ll lose, you’ll lose!” taunted the Devil. “What makes you so sure we’ll lose?” enquired St Peter. “Because,” laughed the Devil, “we have all the referees down here.”
Is your goalkeeper getting any better?’
Not really. Last Saturday he let in five goals in the first ten minutes. He was so fed up when he failed to stop the fifth that he put his head in his hands – and dropped it!’
At one point during a soccer match, the coach said to one of his young players, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?” The little boy nodded in the affirmative. “Do you understand that what matters is how we play together as a team?” The little boy nodded yes.
“So,” the coach continued, “When offside is given, or a foul is not seen, you don’t argue or swear or attack the referee. Do you understand all that?” Again the little boy nodded.
“Good,” said the coach, “Now go over there and explain it to your mother.”
What runs around a soccer field but can’t play?
Check out www.soccerjokes.com for more one-liners, referee jabs, and team punches mostly from the English game.