By Kim DeRaedt
Your momma named you funny
Danny Invincible (Australia)
Dean Windass (England)
Norman Conquest (Australia)
Doctor Khumalo (South Africa)
It’s not funny until someone gets hurt, then it’s…
“In a particularly rough tackle, a player was knocked unconscious. A first-aid man ran over and began to sprinkle water in his face and fan him with a towel. Slowly the player recovered consciousness and said groggily, ‘How the hell do they expect us to play in all this wind and rain?’”
“A full back with a reputation for being a really hard man on the pitch was sent off during a match. Returning to the changing room, he had a terrible leg. It was covered in cuts and bruises and had a massive gash from the top of the thigh to the knee. He had no idea whose it was.”
“A man arrives at the gates of heaven, where St Peter greets him and says, “Before I can let you enter I must ask you what you have done in your life that was particularly good.”
The man racks his brains for a few minutes and then admits to St Peter that he hasn’t done anything particularly good in his life.
“Well,” says St Peter, “have you done anything particularly brave in your life?”
“Yes, I have,” replies the man proudly.
St Peter asks the man to give an account of his bravery.
So the man explains, “I was refereeing this important match between Liverpool and Everton at Anfield. The score was nil-nil and there was only one more minute of play to go in the second half when I awarded a penalty against Liverpool at the Cop end.”
“Yes,” responded St Peter, “I agree that was a real act of bravery. Can you perhaps tell me when this took place?”
“Certainly,” the man replied, “about three minutes ago.”
“He dribbles a lot and the opposition don’t like it. You can see it all over their faces.”—Ron Atkinson
“I spent 90 percent of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted!”—George Best
“I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.”–Mark Viduka
“If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing.”–Terry Venables
The name game: http://www.thebesteleven.com/2008/02/funny-soccer-names.html
Funny bone: http://www.soccerjokes.com
Head scratchers: http://hubpages.com/hub/Funniest-Soccer-Quotes