Archive for the ‘Monkey See; Monkey Do’ Category

By Kim DeRaedt

Sometimes the game is so simple, if only we paid attention.  Can you hear your mother nagging?

Chris Kamara added some ignorant amusement to Soccer Saturday when he missed a red card in the Portsmouth vs. Blackburn matched, assuming the player was merely being subbed off.  One has to admire his honesty, though. 

However, if you are searching for pure ignorance, search no further than Rosanna Scotto and Greg Kelly’s FOX interview with Thierry Henry upon his move to the NY Red Bulls.  For starters, it doesn’t take a 2010 World Cup guru to know that France didn’t clinch the Cup, not even close! 

Seriously folks, soccer isn’t that difficult.  Just use your head when you broadcast the game.  Takes a lady to do the job right!

The same applies to players too.

Really, though, cooperation is key.  If you’re not going to use your head, use your hands. Let’s try to make the referee’s job easy.


By Kim DeRaedt

They always say “like owner, like dog”.  Extensive studies have been conducted to prove just that.  Our furry friends can give insight into our demographic classifications, personality and beliefs, and even media preferences according to a Hunch Correlations & Reports publication on  Like their owners, dogs just want to have fun, and we all know soccer is the perfect outlet for excitement!  With four feet, perhaps they can even teach us a thing or two about the game we claim to know so well. Still, in Fluffy and Fifi’s absence, a new bitch must take over the helm and karma isn’t timid to impart a lesson either.

A lesson in give and take
When a player gets injured, it’s common courtesy to pass the ball back to the goalkeeper and start play from there.  On the other hand, it’s rather rude to attempt an upper 90 blast on an unsuspecting opponent.  Ajax Reserves didn’t mean to, however, so the team made amends by literally standing still and permitting Cambuur IIRC to score a goal of its own.

We all know that standing still won’t get you too far in soccer though.  Speed and aggression are key.  Step right in there and take it!  Remember Mark Twain’s famous quote, “It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog.”  I wonder if he had soccer in mind.

Rollercoaster ride
Life is full of ups and downs.  Sometimes you’re the dog; sometimes you’re the hydrant.  It takes talent (or karma) to be both within 30 seconds, but this goalkeeper sure managed the trick with his overzealous celebration.

Then again, sometimes you’re just the dog.  We’ll cut Jimmy Greaves some slack and call him the dog catcher.

Notice Greaves wipes his hands afterward.  Dog cooties?  No, man’s best friend left a treat of his own!

Kibbles and Bits:
Other goals that are just odd to the bone:
The “tail” of the 1962 World Cup pooch:—crawling

By Kim DeRaedt

Pitch Invader:
  Jimmy Jump is notoriously known for trespassing on the turf of several major sporting events, most notably at some of soccer’s biggest matches.  Here Jump scurried past even the World Cup’s most qualified security and attempted to place a Barretina on the trophy before Spain and Holland’s big game.

Jump’s resume also includes:
2004:  During the UEFA Cup Final featuring Greece and Portugal, Jump threw an FC Barcelona flag at Luis Figo, the Portuguese captain, who had left the team to join Real Madrid in 2000. 
2005:  Jump struck at the UEFA Champions League semi-final match between Chelsea and Liverpool.  He also hopped onto the field when Barcelona squared off against Real Madrid in November
2006:  The UEFA Champions League semi-final was once again the target.  This time Jump sprinted onto the pitch and tossed a Barcelona jersey at Arsenal’s Thierry Henry.  He was fined €60,100.
2007:  He ran onto the field waving a flag in the Champions League final between Liverpool and Milan but was not shown on live broadcast.
2008:  “Tibet is not China.” …or so Jimmy Jump’s shirt informed the world when he raided the field at the end of the UEFA Euro 2008 semi-final between Turkey and Basel with a Tibetan flag in his hand.  He also targeted and succeeded in interfering with Barcelona’s match against Racing de Santander.
2010:  Jump’s World Cup incident hardly burned a hole in his pocket when he was fined roughly $290.  Therefore, he had money left in his bank account for the €350 fine he incurred when he entered the field in a match pitting Újpest against Ferencváros.  This time Jump displayed one of his many hidden talents by kicking the ball in Ferencváros’s goal before spending four hours in police custody.   

Cup Crimes

At least Jump just caused havoc, never harm.  On the other hand, the World Cup has twice been the target of opportunistic thieves. 

In 1966, the World Cup trophy was snatched from a public exhibition in England.  It was only missing for seven days, however.  Soon after, a dog dug it up from under a tree in London.  The reason for its highjacking remains unknown.
Uh-oh, soccer’s biggest prize went missing again in 1973, but this story did not end happily ever after.  The trophy was in Rio de Janeiro following Brazil’s third World Cup championship, but authorities were never able to find it.  Some believe it was melted for its precious metals although the rumor will never be proven true. 

For a brief history on the world’s most sought-after dish: 

Watch your back!  Who said pickpocketing was limited to dark city alleys?  Sometimes the greatest crimes occur right on the field, in broad daylight, in front of thousands of players and fans excluding one unsuspecting goalkeeper.

By Kim DeRaedt

Move over Ronaldinho:  Buck teeth are no match for elephant tusks!

Animals can play like people, and people can act like animals.  One of the bitterest rivalries in all of soccer features Scottish sides Rangers and Celtic.  The most notable riot between the two occurred on January 2, 1971.  Dubbed the “Ibrox Disaster”, chaos broke out when Celtic scored a late goal only to be followed up by an even more spectacular finish from Rangers in the final minute.  An angry stampede of Celtic fans charged for the gates.  A stairway collapsed killing 66 and injuring 175 fans. 

A fan whose skills for some reason were not appreciated…

Grow up!
obody Enjoys Soccer’s Wrongdoers
Some fans don’t realize they aren’t players; Some fans (and players) don’t realize soccer isn’t exempt from the rules of society.  From North to South, East to West incidents of referee abuse are becoming way too common.

North:  A 42-year-old South Dakota man needs to be careful who he strikes next time.  The man struck a referee during a U-11 girls’ game.  The referee just so happened to be the town’s major, and the man was sentenced to a year in jail in addition to anger management courses and a year’s ban from all youth sports outings.   

East:  Woah, soccer mom!  Keep your hands on the wheel.  A Virginia soccer mom slapped and scratched a 15-year-old volunteer referee’s face during a U-9 soccer match. 

South:  Zidane has emigrated from France to Florida.  An angry coach attacked a U-12 referee near the concession stand and head butted him, breaking the referee’s nose.

West:  A Palm Springs, California, referee was ganged up on by four men and stabbed in an alleged revenge act against him for a game he’d officiated a month prior.  One of the assailants was sought for attempted murder, although it was believed he had fled to Mexico and sought refuge with friends and family. 

For a look at shameful referee/official attacks from across the realm of sports: